NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



» 635 
Z9 

3963 
>py 1 



Baker's Edition 

m OT PLAYS • 



.HE SPEED LIMIT 

Price, 15 Cents 




COPYRIGHT, 1889, BY WALTER H. BAKER 4 CO- 



a. W. $mero's Wm 

$rice, 50 €entg <£ad> 



THF AMA70NS Farce in T 111 " 66 Acts. Seven males, vt xeinaies. 
14 rti< Costumes, modern ; scenery, not difficult, Plays 

a full evening. 

THP PARIWPT MINKTFD Farce in Four Acts. Ten rusiie; nine 
IIIC V/ADIflCl minOIEK females< costumes, modern society s 

scenei y, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

DANDY DICK ^ ftrce in Three Acts. Seven males, four i^maies. 
Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Ciy* 
two hours and a half 

THF fi AY I ORD OIJFX Comea y in Four Acts. Four male? ten 

L< Lt y females. Costumes, modern ; scenery. 

two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening 

HI? HAI1CE IN ADTIPD Comedy in Four Acts. Nine males, fo t£ 
1113 OUU3C in U«UEK female8s Oo8tlini e8, modern ; scenery > 
three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THF HORRY HORSF Comedv *** Tnree Acts. Ten males, five 
females., Costumes, modern; scenery easy, 
Plays two hours and a half. 

IRIS 1>rama * n Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes* 
modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

I ADY ROriNTIFIII Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven fe> 
males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, four in- 
teriors, not easy Plays a full evening. 

LFTTY I)rama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten mules, five l'e- 
^ males. Costumes, modern ; gcenery complicated Plays a 

full evening 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Matter !£♦ Rafter & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



The Speed Limit 



A Sketch in Two Scenes 



By 
ERNEST M. GOULD 



BOSTON 
WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

1910 



The Speed Limit 



G^ 



CHARACTERS 

Tommy, a smooth chap. 

Bill, # burglar ; later a judge. 

Dan, a burglar ; later a policeman, 

Felix ) ... 

Otto } autolsts ' 




Copyright, 1910, by .Walter H. Baker & Co. 



©GLD 21628 



The Speed Limit 



SCENE I. — A plain room, with stage darkened. 

Enter Tommy, Bill and Dan, disguised as burglars, one fol- 
lowing the other a fetv moments apart. Each carrying a 
dark- lantern and having a mask on. The first one comes 
on stage saying " Sh ! — Sh ! — Sh ! " followed by second 
and then the third doing the same. 

Tommy. Now, boys, I'll tell you just how the land lies and 
where the valuables are located. Do just as I tell you, get 
busy and clean it out, and we'll make a good haul. 

Bill. Right you are. You cops the silver, I gits the 
jevv'lry, and Dan he nabs the dough. 

Dan. And if any one butts in, we taps 'em on the knob 
and beats it. 

Tom. Yes, but be sure and take the swag wid you. 

Dan. Leave dat to us; we've done dis trick before. 

(Bill and Dan exit r., cautiously, leavi?ig Tom. standing at 
one side with his mask in his hand lookifig down, think- 
ing deeply.') 

Tom. I ought to quit this game, but here's a chance to 
make a good haul, and I'm in bad. I've simply got to make 
some money quick, and this seems to be the only way for me 
to get it. It's dead easy if you don't get caught; but if you 

do Well, I'll take the chance. Just one good haul and I'll 

quit the game for good. I've said that before, but somehow I 
don't quit. Well, — one good haul. (Exit, slowly, toward r.) 
Just one good haul and I'm through. 

- (A shot is heard in the distance, then a whistle and the 
sound of running feet. Then the three reenter as at first, 
saying " Sh ! — Sh ! — Sh /" Lights up. Tom. and Dan 
have nothing, but Bill has a large bag. All three gather 
round the bag, which Bill sets on the floor.) 

3 



4 THE SPEED LIMIT 

Dan. I heard some one comin', so I lit out on the jump. 

Tom. Bill made such a noise when he cracked that old man 
that I thought I had better skip. 

Bill. I got the goods all right, but I had to put the old 
man to sleep to do it. He ain't hurt bad though. He'll come 
to in an hour or so. 

Tom. Bill, you're a credit to the profession. Now let's 
open up the treasure box and see what we've got. 

( They open the bag and take out a number of articles. A 
long robe, a gavel, a wig, a pair of eye-glasses, a sivallow- 
tail coat, a plug hat, a number of law books, a policeman 1 s 
uniform and club, and a revolver. All three are greatly 
disgusted and look at each other, unable to express them- 
selves. Tom. looks down-hearted and goes to one side.) 

Bill. Well, we got stung. We got stung good and plenty 
this time. All our trouble for this trash. {Gives bag a kick.) 

Dan. I've a good mind to go back and finish the old man. 

Bill. I'd like to blow up the house. Just think, we risked 
our lives for this stuff. Boys, I've been in many a deal, but 
this here's the limit. Yes, sir, this is the worst yet. 

Tom. Hold on, boys ! I've an idea. It's money we're 
after, ain't it ? Well, just get those things together and come 
along with me. We'll make something out of this business yet. 
But hold on ; just one minute. I'm running this job, and I 
want to know first of all if you're with me. 

Bill. Tommy, I'm wid you. I thought you was doping 
out something. Yes, sir, I'm wid you, Tommy. We got in 
wrong on this deal, but I'm wid you just the same. 

Dan. And I'm wid you too, Tommy. You're the slickest 
guy in the biz, and if there's anything coming off, you can 
count on me. I'm wid you, I'll do anything you say. 

(Tom. takes the bag with all the articles in it and goes over 
to R.) 

Tom. Well, Dan, I'm going to make you a policeman. 

Dan. No, sir, not me. Tommy, I'm willing to be any- 
thing else, anything at all, but please don't make me a peiiice- 
man. I never was very much taken up with perlicemen, and I 
don't want to have anything to do with them. 

Tom. Why, by the way they're always after you, Dan, I 
thought you were very chummy. But come on, Dan, jump 



THE SPEED LIMIT 5 

into this uniform. (Puts policeman's hat and coat on Dan.) 
Now throw out your chest and show some class. 

Dan. All right, Tommy, if you say so I'll do it, but I'm 
afraid I'll make a mistake and run myself in. 

Tom. Come here, Bill. Don this judicial robe. Dan is to 
be a policeman, but you, Bill, are to be a judge. How does 
that sound, — judge? 

Bill. Make me anything but a judge, Tommy. I'll take a 
chance at being the cop, and let Dan be the judge. 

Tom. Oh, it's all right, Bill. You see, Dan is to bring in 
the victims, and you are to sentence them. 

Bill. And you, Tommy, what are you to be ? 

Tom. Who, me? I'm to be the district attorney. I'll 
bring the cases before the judge. You see, Dan brings in the 
prisoners, I'll prosecute them, and the judge here fines them, 
and we all get the fines. Not such a bad scheme, hey ? We 
are the grand judiciary department of this vicinity, and remem- 
ber, boys, we must do our duty. 

Dan {strutting up and down the stage swinging his dub, 
and speaking to imaginary people). Come, move on there — 
This way, lady — Just one moment, please — Hold on there. 

Tom. (pointing off to one side). Over there is the court- 
house. 

Bill. Where ? 

Tom. Right over there. Can't you see it? 

Dan. Court-house ? That's an old schoolhouse that hasn't 
been used for years. It says on the front " District School." 

Tom. That's a mistake. It should read " District Court." 
Anyhow, that is where you are to bring the lawbreakers, Dan. 
You bring them to the court-house, I prosecute them, and the 
judge fines them. Now, boys, I suppose you understand just 
what you are to do. 

(Bill is busy putting on robe backward. Tom. puts on 
, Prince Albert coat and high silk hat.) 

Bill (making believe sentencing prisoners). Thirty days in 
the marble palace — Ten years in the Old Ladies' Home— Six 
thousand years at hard labor. 

Dan. This is all right, Tommy, but I don't see any money 
coming out of this job. I've got to run somebody in pretty 
soon, or I'll quit. 

Bill. I don't mind being a judge, but I've got to send 
somebody to prison for life, or I'm through. 



6 THE SPEED LIMIT 

Tom. Take your time, boys, take your time; the game has 
just begun. Dan, you're on duty now; go up to the corner 
and pinch the first automobile party that comes along. 

Dan. What for ? What will I pinch them for? 

Tom. Speeding. Exceeding the speed limit. Just shove 
your revolver right up to them and run them into the court- 
house, and Bill and I will do the rest. 

Dan. But suppose they ain't goin' fast? 

Tom. Nab them just the same. By the way, Dan, do you 
know the speed limit in this town ? 

Dan. No ; fifteen miles an hour, I suppose. 

Tom. Fifteen miles an hour ? Look here, Dan, the speed 
limit in this town is just three miles per hour. If they are 
going over three miles per hour, bring them right into court. 

Bill. A guy could walk three miles per hour. Even Dan 
could walk that fast. 

Tom. That's nothing. That's the law, and we've got to 
uphold the law. The people depend upon us to see to their 
interests, and to uphold the law on all occasions, and we must 
do our duty. When you were made chief of police did you 
not swear to punish all offenders of the law ? 

Dan {very much astonished). What ? 

Tom. I say, when you were elected chief of police by the 
people, did you not swear to uphold the law ? What do you 
suppose you are being paid the munificent salary of ten thou- 
sand dollars per year for ? 

Dan. Who! Me? {Looks at Bill, greatly puzzled.') Oh, 
yes. {Looks all around ; aside.) That's what I get for swear- 
ing. 

Bill. I'll never swear again. {Holds up right hand.) 
Never again. 

Dan. All right. The first automobile that comes along 
gits pinched. 

(Tom. striking attitude makes a short speech explaining the 
speed law.) 

Tom. You see, it was just like this. Automobiles used to 
travel through this town at a terrific rate of speed, without re- 
gard to life, limb or property. 

Bill. The idea ! 

Tom. Once a group of happy children were playing in the 
street. 

Dan {as if greatly interested). Playing in the street. 



THE SPEED LIMIT 7 

Tom. Making the air resound with their merry shouts and 
laughter. ( Very tragic.) When suddenly an auto came toward 
them at a frightful pace. 

Bill. Oh, my ! 

Tom. It rushed down upon them with a great roar and 
tooting of horns. (Dan makes a noise like an automobile 
horn.) The people shouted for them to stop, but all in vain; 
the machine still rushed onward, and ran right over 

(Bill and Dan look very sad. Dan wipes his eyes on his 
coat-tails.) 

Bill (sadly). The auto ran right over the poor little chil- 
dren 

Tom. Oh, no, it ran right over the hill. (Bill and Dan 
look at each other. Tom., proceeding.) And so to keep auto- 
mobiles out of the town the people made the speed limit three 
miles per hour. 

Dan (nodding his head). Three hundred miles per hour, 
that's going some. 

Tom. No, not three hundred miles per hour. Three miles 
per hour; count 'em. (Counts on his fingers.) One — two — 
three. Three miles per hour. And all who exceed that speed 
are rushed into court, tried, and if found guilty fined. (Turns 
to Bill.) So you see Dan is to arrest all offenders of the law, 
and we, Bill and I, representing the legal authority 

Bill (proudly). Representing the legal authority. 

Tom. will see that they are summarily dealt with. 

Now, Mr. Officer, do your duty. (Dan salutes. Exit, r. 
Tom. to Bill.) Now, Judge, I suppose you understand your 
duty in this matter, and how you are to act as judge. 

Bill. Sure ! Dan brings 'em in. If they're guilty I'll fix 
'em all right all right ; but if they ain't guilty, I'll beg their 
pardon and let 'em go. 

Tom. No, Bill, don't ever let 'em go. That won't do. 
They must be guilty of something. How in the world are you 
going to help us make any money if you let 'em go? That 
will never do, never. You must find them guilty of something, 
Bill. 

Bill. Oh, all right. I see. They've got to be guilty, any- 
how. Sure, that's easy. (Calls out.) Thirty days, ninety 
days 

Tom. No, no, Bill, that Avon't do. Not thirty days, thirty 
dollars, forty dollars, fifty dollars. Days won't do us any 



8 THE SPEED LIMIT 

good j we want dollars. We've only got about thirty minutes 
to work on this job, so we've got to get busy right away. Ten 
dollars, twenty, thirty, forty dollars. That's the way to talk. 

Bill. Oh, all right. I see. It's money we wants. Just 
leave it to me. You find out how much money they've got, 
and I'll fine 'em down to their last nickel. 

Tom. That's right. Now I see you understand your busi- 
ness. Come, let's go and open the court-house, and get ready 
for our first case. [Exeunt, r. 



SCENE II. — An interior, arranged as a court-room. A high 
desk at rear for the judge, and a low desk at R. for lawyer. 
The scene ope?is with Bill at judge's desk, with ivig, robe 
and glasses on, looking very stern and dignified. Tom. at 
lawyer's desk with books all about him. 

Enter Dan with two funny-looking men, Felix and Otto, 
both comically dressed in automobile togs and goggles. If 
possible one tall and the other short. Felix, the tall one, 
very serious, and Otto, the short one, very shy, but con- 
tinuously giggling. Absolute quiet prevails, which is 
broken by giggling from Otto. Bill glares at him, upon 
which he immediately stops giggling and hides behind 
Felix, who is very serious. Otto immediately bursts 
out again. Bill roars, "Silence in the court," upon 
which Otto again becomes suddenly calm and again hides 
behind Felix. 

Bill. What have we here, Mr. Officer? What charge 
have you against these — these — whatever they are you have 
brought in ? 

Dan. Speedin', Yer Honor; exceedin' the speed limit. 
They went past City Hall at a rate of about two hundred 
miles an hour. So I pinched them. 

(Otto giggles.) 

Felix (breaking in). City Hall? I didn't see no city 
hall. 

Dan. No, you was goin' so fast you couldn't see it. 
Felix. But I saw you hidin' behind that tree. 

(Shakes fist at Dan. Otto giggles.) 



THE SPEED LIMIT 



9 



Bill (banging desk with gavel}. Silence in the court ; we'll 
settle your case at once. Mr. Attorney, will you^kindly bring 
this case of lawlessness before the court in the proper way, and 
without further delay, in order that we may do these fellows, — 
and do them good. (Felix attempts to speak again. Bill 
goes to bang desk, but by mistake hits his finger. After much 
confusion he roars.} Silence ! If you open that face of yours 
again I'll fine you five thousand dollars for contempt of court. 
Not another word, sir. Not another word. 

(Otto giggles. Bill glares at him and he hides behind Felix.) 

Tom. (striking an attitude). Your Honor, ladies and gen- 
tlemen, gentlemen of the jury, and what we have here with us. 
(Bill, Dan, Felix and Otto all look around the room greatly 
astonished.) I have fully investigated the case before us. I 
have questioned hundreds of witnesses who saw the crime com- 
mitted. 

Dan. Yes, sir, we was all right there and saw the whole 
show. 

Felix. Saw the whole show ? What show ? 

Dan. The auto show. 

Tom. (holding up his hand for silence and proceeding). 
Numerous detectives have been engaged in running these crim- 
inals to earth, and there can be no doubt about the guilt of 
these men. 

Dan. Oh, they're guilty all right. 

Tom. This is no ordinary case where these lawbreakers 
can be placed on probation, for I find that these men are old 
offenders, steeped in crime. 

Dan. Yes, steeped in brine ! 

Bill. Pickled ! 

Tom. (waving his hand for silence). They are dangerous 
and desperate characters 

Dan. But outside of that they're all right, ain't they? 

Tom. (continuing). and should be dealt with as such. 

Dan. And should get a belt with a crutch. 

Tom. For the prisoner at the bar 

Dan. At the bar ? 

Bill. I'll have a Scitch highball. 

Tom. For the prisoner at the bar I have a great deal 

of sympathy and consideration. It is sometimes possible to 
forgive the robber, the murderer or the thief 

Dan. Or politicians. 



TO THE SPEED LIMIT 

Tom. Yes, even politicians; but for these, these fiends in 
human form 

Dan {to Felix and Otto). Did you hear what he called 
you? — " Beans in human form." 

Tom. {going right on). There is no punishment too severe. 
Damnum absque injuria. {All jump. Felix blinks. Otto 
giggles and hides behind Felix. Tom. continuing, points his 
finger at them.) Just look at them standing there, as guilty 

as (Dan shakes his club at them. Otto giggles. Felix 

attempts to speak. Bill bangs on the desk for silence.) You 
run into this town with your ten thousand dollar racing car. 

Dan. But we don't car. 

Tom. And try to knock it off the map, and just because 
you are worth millions — {here Felix and Otto look at each 
other) and just because you are worth millions, you think you 
can get away with it. But you will find that our vigilant police 
are ever on the alert. 

Dan. And ready for the dirty work. 

Tom. Qui facit per alium facit per se. What have you to 
say for yourselves ? In loco parentis. (Felix makes effort to 
speak ; Tom. goes right on.) Our chief of police here reports 
that you were tearing along at a speed of over four miles per 
hour. 

Dan. I almost had to run to keep up with them. 

Tom. Which is in excess of the speed limit, and that you 
at first refused to stop at his demand. Is that not so, Mr. 
Officer ? 

Dan. Sure ! They didn't take no notice of me. 

Felix. We thought you was a bum. 

Dan {very indignant). The idocity ! Thought I was a 
bum, hey? 

{Shakes his club at them. Otto giggles. Bill bangs on 
desk and calls for silence.) 

Tom. Gentlemen, this is a very serious offence, and you 
Will indeed be fortunate if you are not called upon to forfeit 
your lives for this crime. (Felix again makes motion to speak, 
but Tom. keeps right on.) We here represent the law. 
Delectus personarum, and it is our duty to see that same is 
rigidly enforced. 

Dan {strutting about). We here represent the law. 

Tom. The law must be enforced in a manner aforesaid 
hereunto notwithstanding our pari delicto to the contrary. 



THE SPEED LIMIT I I 

(Bangs with his fist on his desk. Dan jumps. Bill ducks 
behind his desk. Otto giggles and hides behind Felix. Felix 
blinks his eyes and looks very solemn.) It is therefore neces- 
sary that you do at this time and date hereby, in this court and 
before these learned men, give, bequeath, and assign all cur- 
rency and other valuables that you may have in your pos- 
session. 

Dan. Money, too. Dollars, quarters, dimes, nickels and 
cents. 

Tom. To have and to hold in fee simple, until death do us 
part. (Bangs on desk.) Therefore be it resolved, that failing 
in this you are to be a " residuary legatee." (Aside.) What- 
ever that is. (Aloud.) See Shelley's case. 

(Turns over leaves in a large book.) 

Dan (looking at Bill). See Kelley's face? What's the 
matter with Kelley's face? 

Tom. (still turning pages in book). Rule against per- 
petuities. 

Dan (to Felix and Otto). Oh, my, I can see your finish 
now; 

Tom. Or in other words, we mean to let the law take its 
course, but, — but, — but 

Dan (making motion of butting each time Tom. says but). 
He's a regular goat. 

Tom. (proceeding). Taking into consideration your gentle 
demeanor, noble bearing, and 

Dan. Ladylike manners 

Tom. (turning to Bill). I beseech you, noble judge, to 
have mercy upon these lunatics ; consider their poor wives and 
children at home. 

Dan. Waiting for their poor old man to come home 
soused. 

Tom. (proceeding). And I pray you, noble sir, spare 
these 

Dan. Pie-faced mutts. 

Tom. Soften your heart toward them, and be magnanimous 

Dan. Oh, my ! 

Bill. Poor Maggie. 

Tom. (continuing). And out of the generosity of your noble 
heart be lenient with these — 

Dan. Boneheads. 

Tom. And let them off for a nominal fine of say 



12 THE SPEED LIMIT 

(Aside.) I wonder how much money they've got? (Aloud.*) 
Say one hundred dollars, if they've got that much. (Turns 
to Felix and Otto.) There, my good fellows, I've pleaded 
with the judge to let you off, and I sincerely hope and trust he 
will be able to 

Dan. Do you, and do you good. 

Tom. Yes, sir, I'm sure of it. Now, my good men, Heave 
you in the hands of the judge for his consideration. 

(Bill rolls up his sleeves and spits on his hands. ) 

Dan. And may the Lord have mercy on your souls. 

(Bill glares at them and bangs on his desk. Otto giggles.) 

Bill (roaring at them). Well, before I sentence you, have 
you anything to say for yourselves? You're guilty, all right, 
so don't try and say you ain't. 

(Otto urges Felix to say something.) 

Felix. Yes, sir, I wants to say something. (Bangs on 
lazvyer's desk.) I'm a poor married man, but I wants me 
rights. (Ba?igs on desk. Otto giggles.) I've listened to the 
hot air that has been handed out by the smooth chap in the 
high kelly 

Otto (butting in). But it don't make any noise with us. 

Felix. He may be a wise guy and have the gift of gab, but 
let me tell you that I was granulated from scholage when a 
mere child. 

Otto. Yes, sir, we was granulated from one of the best 
cemeteries in the country. 

Felix. And we know whereof we speak. (Bangs on desk. 
Otto watches Felix, and when he bangs on desk he follows 
suit.) As to our exceedin' the speed limit; be it known by 
all men, and any other persons whomsoever, in contemplation 
or consequence thereof, or in connection therewith, that we 
were not traveling at the excessive speed of over four miles per 
hour, as stated by the officer hereinafter described. 

(Bangs on desk.) 

Otto. His statement to the contrary notwithstanding. 

(Bangs 071 desk.) 



THE SPEED LIMIT 13 

Felix. But on account of bursting of boilers, breakage of 

shaft, latent defect in the carburretto. 
Otto. To say nothing of the magnetto. 
Felix. Also the induction coiletto. {Bangs on desk.) 
Otto. Our motor refused to mote. {Bangs on desk.) 
Felix. And we were at the time aforesaid pushing our 

machine along the highway at a speed not calculated by close 

observation to be more than 

Otto. A mile a month. (Both ba?ig on desk.) 

Felix. You will therefore see that any delay — wheresoever 

occurring 



Otto. Directly or indirectly by our manipulation of the 
benzine buggy. 

Felix. Was due to no fault of ours, and we are not account- 
able for same. And further let it be distinctly understood by 
all men 

Otto. And women, too. 

Felix. That you get nothing out of us. 

Otto. Either money or marriage. 

Felix. Your wishes to the contrary notwithstanding. 
(Bangs on desk.) We are on a very important mission, and 
should not be trifled with in this manner. 

Otto. And furthermore, we must be on our way. Good- 
day ! 

{Both make toward door. Dan rushes after them, and Bill 
calls for them to stop.) 

Bill. Where are you fellows going ? 

Felix. We're headed for Boston, and when we get there we 
will endeavor to find a short route to the South Station. 

Otto. Which up to the present time has been beyond the 
possibility of man. 

(Any suitable local problem might be substituted.) 

Bill. Well, my good men, I wish that I could send you on 
your way rejoicing (bangs on desk with gavel), but the law 
must take its course. I find you guilty on the several counts 
enumerated by this worthy attorney here, and it is my duty to 
impose upon you a fine of one hundred dollars. Please note 
that the money is payable to me. 

Tom. It is customary in cases of this kind for the money to 
be paid to the attorney. Kindly, therefore, be good enough to 
hand over the money to me. 



14 THE SPEED LIMIT 

Dan. Say, I pinched these guys, and I gits the money, see ! 

{In the midst of this argument between Bill, Tom., and 
Dan, as to who shall collect the money, Felix bangs on 
the desk and calls out.) 

Felix. I object, I object ! We protest against this treat- 
ment. 

Otto. And on the other hand (slaps his hands together), 
such action is against the principles of democracy. 

Felix. And not in accordance with the Queensbury rules. 
We are for the people. 

Otto. What do we care for the public ? And on the other 
hand. Just look what run us in. 

Felix. Such an apology for a human being has^ no right to 
arrest gentlemen of our standing. {Very tragic.) And we de- 
mand that he be dismissed at once. 

Felix ) 

Otto \ ( P°^ n ^ n S at Dan). Sir, you are discharged. 

(Dan hesitates, then turns and meekly goes out of the room. 
Felix and Otto now crowd about the lawyer's desk.) 

Otto. We want to ask you, Mr. Liar — I mean Mr. Lawyer. 

Felix. It's all the same. 

Otto. Who admitted you to the bar ? {Bangs on desk.) 

Felix. Yes, sir ; who gave you authority to shine forth as 
a legal light ? Cheating and robbing honest people out of their 
hard-earned cash. What is this country coming to, anyway? 

Otto. What can we expect when Congress is divided into 
two houses, the Dog House and the Bug House. 

(Otto goes to bang on desk and falls onto the floor. He 
gets up and jumps upon the desk.) 

Bill. What are you getting up on that desk for ? 

Otto. I'm taking the case to a higher court. 

Felix. And on the other hand. {Stops ; hesitates.) No, 
on the same hand. Mr. Lawyer, we have decided to dismiss 
you from the bar. You are a disgrace to the profession. 

(Tom. attempts to speak.) 

Otto. Not another word, sir. Not another word. There's 
the door. {Exit Tom., very meek, without saying a word. 
Felix and Otto now approach the judge' s desk ; Bill becomes 



THE SPEED LIMIT 15 

very uneasy and tries to hide behind the desk. Felix and Otto 
sit on the lawyer's desk and hold a conversation as to what 
they shall do with the judge. Felix takes out a huge knife, 
and Otto has a large revolver. They nod and point their 
fingers toward the judge, occasionally speaking out loud.) 
Let's shoot him. 

Felix. No, let's hang him. 

Otto. What shall we do with the body ? 

{They go on making motions. In the meantime Bill sneaks 
from behind the desk and makes for the door. Otto and 
Felix see him trying to get out. They both grab a book 
and throw at him, just as he goes out of the door. Felix 
and Otto shake hands just as the curtain comes down.) 



{The success of this play depends a great deal on the make- 
up. All the characters, with the exception of Tom., should 
be made up very comical throughout. Otto should culti- 
vate a peculiar giggle.) 



One copy del. to Cat. Div. 
nn 25 ••*• 



a. W, $tnero's Paps 

ptite, 50 Cents? <£adf) 



THE MAGISTRATE Farce in T]lTee Acts - Twelve males, four 
females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, all 
interior. Plays two hours and a half. 

TBE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITF '" na ,'" „ Fo " A f • 

Ej male.«, live females. 
Costumes, modern ; scenery, all interiors PI ys-s. full evening. 

THE PROFLIGATE pla y inFourAc ^ -^eveu males, five females. 
Scenery, tliree interiors, rather elaborate ; 
costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF SCHOOLMISTRFSS FarcemTbreeActs - Nineinales ' seven 

females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, 
three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY 2L*t%t*L m t 

tumes, modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

SWEET LAVENDER Comed y In Three Acts - Seven males, four 
females. Scene, a single interior; costumes, 
modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF TliWFS Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 
Scene, a single interior ; costumes, modern. Plays a 
full evening. 

THF WFAKFR SFX Comed y iu Tbree Acts - Eight males, eight 
1 Li v Lift L, \ kJLi females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two 
interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A W'PF WITHOUT A SMIFF Comed y m Three Acts Five 

A !K C ffllHUUl A ^1T1IL,L males> tour females. Costumes, 
modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

falter 1^ TBafeer & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllli 

016 212 165 



Cf)e William barren edition 
of Paps 

$rice, 15 €cntjtf €acl) 

AS Yftll I IITF IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four 
AS IUU MAE, 11 females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- 
ried. Plays a full evening. 

PAMIIIF Drama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- 
v/HMIL,LL, tuihes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

INfiOMAP ^ la y hl Five Acts - Thirteen males, three females. 
lflUUiTlAI\ gcenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 

MAPV ^TIIAPT Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- 
lTlAtVl 31UAA1 males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of. the 

period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE SSSSSSJiSiSS: SSSS! 

picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 

BIPHFI IFII Play in Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- 
A1VIIEUMJ ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full 
evening. 

THF PIVAT^ (Omedy in Five Acts. Nine males, live females. 
1 HE AllALO Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays, a 
full evening. 

SHP STftftPS TO fflWMIFR Comedy in Five Acts. Fifteen 
JilC JlUUlJ 1U VVTiyUEA ma les, four females. .Scenery va- 
ried ; costumes of the period, Plays a full evening. 

TWELFTH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL 2E&JUE! 

three females. Costumes, picturesque.; scenery, varied. Plays a 
full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Salter ^. iBafter s. Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



